As the blood runs red

is a
place
on
earth
with you
I wish
the cave
weren’t
sometimes
a cave
dark
and vast
and lonely
only
sometimes
comfortable
inviting
do I need
to be
alone?
is that
what it means
when i 
feel
these
things
because i know
i can 
be
content
with
myself
but i’ll sooner
crash and burn 
fail
without
someone,
without
you

Oh how I wish
That you were
A piano
Your skin
Turned to
Ebony
and
Ivory
Keys
Each
Finger
Striking a different
Note
Each 
Strand of hair
A cord
Ready to pull the
Hammers
Down
To make
Achingly
Beautiful
Melodies
Each time
Applying pressure
Changing tempo
Creating
Love
Fear
Power
Feeling
——

I don’t
Know
How
Old
You all
Are
Anymore
I could
Probably
Guess
And
Be
Within a
Year
Or so
But
I have
Forgotten
Neglected
You
I used to
Play
Talk
Love
You all
Now I feel
I cannot
Any
Longer
It is
Enough
To reduce me
To tears
But I have
School
In the
Morning
And that
Would be
Inconvenient
Another
Time
,
Hopefully

How you feel sometimes
Upset
Annoying
Maybe even
Worthless
You don’t let me
In, usually
But that’s okay
Because
Although I’m good
With advice
And I know
How to read people
How to know
What they’re thinking
Before
They do
I’m not always
Good
With myself
Not now,
Anyway
I never know
For sure
What
I am
Feeling
And I know
That 
You don’t,
Either.
I am so sorry
For
Many things
Many different times
Of
Many different days
For
One thing
Or
Another
I know
I’ve told you this
Before
And it is because
I am always
Loose
In my ideals
In my entity
In my own skin
I cannot
Think
Or
Feel
The same thing
For 
Too long
Because it will be
Taken from me
My mind
Changes itself
But 
It has decided
To 
Keep 
You
For as long as you 
Want 
To keep
Me
And even
After that
It will still
Need
You
So although
I don’t
Keep 
Constant
And although
My old self
Would have
Given
Up
By now,
I will not
I do not
Want to.
If
You decide to
Believe
Anything I say,
Even when
I 
Do not
Believe myself
All the time,
Believe
Know
That you
Are
A 
Part
Of
Me
And without
You,
I would
Not
Be.

Tall,
Nearly 5’8”
Brunette
Remnants of red hair dye and fake bleach
Self-sustained bangs
Resting comfortably above
Thick
Sharp
Uneven
Dark brows
Full eyes
Brown
Hazel
Can’t decide
Heavy lids
Long lashes
Middle-aged women
Teen girls
Who compliment too often
Tell me
Birthmark
Underneath my left eye
Large
Crooked 
Bony
Nose
Nice lips
Always red
Or pale
Bottom
Bigger than the
Top
Always moving
Or never
Teeth
“I never had braces”
Fillings in the back
Predominantly straight
Always 
Biting
Cheeks
And
Lips
Dimples to
Cover
Up
And who could
Forget the
Cheekbones
So sharp
On a face so
Full
Elsewhere
On a girl
To match 
Her thoughts
Double ear piercings
Remaining stagnant
Often
Golds 
And
Reds, currently

Technology
Can
Fuck
Itself
In
The
Ass
This is going nowhere
End

I am feeling
Like nothing
Everyone
Everything
Happening around me
Circling
Spread out
Death Cab For Cutie Radio
Back aches
Not helping
The song is ending
Cath
The feeling is lost

Not appetizing.
A pile of mush.
Swollen molting white kernels stuck together in porcelain.
Bitter thick glaze holding on to existence. Coating anything and everything,
so sleazily,
so greedily,
uninvited.
Like floating through an inner-city
harassed by clouds of smoke
sharp words
fuck
shit
bitch
Like being paid for your service
body defiled
dirtied
grimy hands
exposed
cold
wrong
A bowl of white rice and steak sauce. 
Pathetic.
Simple.
Disgusting.
Different.
Exactly as intended. 

From
November
To
February
I
Did
Not
Exist

Too
big
too
small
not
enough
no
good
have
you
ever
felt
worthless?